Wouldn’t it be nice to know how to tell if someone is lying?
We’re going to see what the research has to say on detecting lies, avoiding deception and more. And this is the industrial strength package. We’ll look at how to avoid being deceived by the pros in this arena: con artists.
To get the real answers, I called an expert. Maria Konnikova is a contributing writer at The New Yorker. Her wonderful new book is The Confidence Game.
Maria has insights from research on how you can get better at spotting lies and dodging fraud. She even sat down with real con artists to see how they think and act.
First, a warning: detecting lies is hard. Don’t think there’s a magic bullet. There isn’t. If there was, everyone would use it. And most of what you think you know is wrong. Here’s Maria:
There’s no Pinocchio’s nose of lying. There’s no telltale sign no matter what we might think, nothing that always signals a lie no matter what. There’s so much folk wisdom about how you spot a liar. They avert their gaze. They sweat. They blush, all this stuff. In truth, when you’re talking with good liars, it just doesn’t happen.
So what can we do to detect lies and avoid being scammed? Here are answers…
1) Use “Cognitive Load”
Telling lies is tricky. You need to balance the truth, the falsehood and try not to get caught. That means your brain has to work overtime.
Via The Folly of Fools: The Logic of Deceit and Self-Deception in Human Life:
Lying can be cognitively demanding. You must suppress the truth and construct a falsehood that is plausible on its face and does not contradict anything known by the listener, nor likely to be known. You must tell it in a convincing way and you must remember the story. This usually takes time and concentration, both of which may give off secondary cues and reduce performance on simultaneous tasks.
So if you want to make a liar reveal themselves, you want to increase their cognitive load. The more they have to think, the more likely they are to make a mistake.
How can you do this? Police detectives ask open-ended questions that make them keep talking. Unexpected questions they’re not prepared for are the best. Anything that mentally exhaustssomeone is good.
Maria also suggests trying the reverse of this: decrease your own cognitive load. Good liars will attempt to distract you from the facts.
Don’t let them. Ask questions to keep things simple so you can focus on what’s important. Here’s Maria:
Our cognitive load affects our ability to spot deception, so when we have a lot of things going on, we stop being able to notice as much. What we can do is try to avoid the cognitive load ourselves because they’re going to try to cause cognitive load for us. They’re going to start saying all of these things that disorient us and so we become more reliant on emotion rather than rational reasoning.
I’m not going to lie; increasing cognitive load isn’t always easy in an informal situation. And this method also has a bigger problem — it doesn’t work on professional liars like con men and psychopaths. Here’s Maria:
Unfortunately, when we’re dealing with con artists, we are dealing with a lot of those types of people for whom there is no cognitive load because they live this. This is who they are. They’re not lying to you. They’re not trying to juggle anything. They really live their identity as a con artist.
(For more on how to use cognitive load to beat liars, click here.)
So reducing your cognitive load and increasing theirs can help you detect lies with amateurs, but like Maria said, this won’t work with pros. What will?
For that, we need to use one of the con artist’s own weapons against them…
Read the Remaining 4 Tips at Bakadesuyo
It shifts with people. Depending on what the motivation is. The best way, is to use silence against them. The traffic ticket differs from the target of a homicide. Known penalties. Traffic ticket, nothing. Homicide, a completely different result in penalty. The hardest ones are those believing they are protecting another party. If things unravel, they often go berserk.
Reblogged this on The way I see things … and commented:
There is someone in my life that lies to me EVERY DAY.
I used to not know it, then I knew and failed to call out – but now I am straight up with him – YOU ARE LYING – talk to me ONLY when you can tell me the truth!
I have told him I can relate to where he is coming from with his lies. (most are insignificant in the whole scheme of life but …) all are to “protect” either another person from being hurt by the truth or themselves from getting into trouble
He and I are both adult children of longtime alcoholics – we were taught to lie early in life because we saw those around us lying (covering up/ignoring) we were encouraged to do so as well (don’t tell others what just happened) and we love the ones we lie FOR.
He is a young person still — took me till I was around 40 to say NO MORE LIES