When a student signs up with me for training, before they ever set foot on the range, I like to do what I call a “Why” Interview. Without prying, I try to get to the “real” reason why they are there. Often, I can tell by the first sentence or the expression on their face what is driving them. For most of my students the need to be prepared to defend themselves just seems prudent. “It is like buying Life Insurance” one of my students commented. “You hope you never need it anytime soon, but every month you pay that premium, just in case, so that your family is not left out in the cold.”
But for one of my students, the need to train comes from a place of deep pain and hurt. While she was in college in the early 80’s, a male acquaintance attempted to rape and then murder her. She had once dated this man about 3 months prior, and after an awkward dinner where he proceeded to make lewd comments about her cleavage, she politely told him to buzz off. Up until the night of the incident, he had been “following” her around campus (stalking was a term which was not in vogue at that time), harassing her with late night phone calls & leaving menacing sexual notes on her dorm door. She complained several times to campus security, even the college dean, with no results. “The college does not get involved in the personal matters of its students.” was the answer she got. After advice from her parents, she finally decided to go to the City Police and file a restraining order, by then, unfortunately, it was too late, the assault happened that night. “The only positive thing that you can hope will come out of something like this” I told her one day during a chat. “Is that you can teach others what you have learned, because you are a SURVIVOR!” She agreed, and is currently writing a book about her experience. She also helps teach rape prevention at HCS.
Stalking by Websters definition is: (1) Pursue or approach stealthily, as in a Cat stalking a bird. (2) Harass or persecute someone with unwanted and obsessive attention. The fan stalked the actor.
Unlike the period of time my student was in during college, we now know much more about stalkers and their Modus Operandi. With all 50 states passing stringent Stalking Laws, and a vast amount of stalking convictions in jail or prison, criminologist and psychologist have been able to work up a definitive personality profile on these creeps. Stalking can be considered an obsessive “pre-behavior” in most cases; a mentality that eventually leads to some other type of crime; like rape, assault and murder, sometimes even leading to serial murders, as was the case with Ted Bundy, Richard Ramirez (the “Night Stalker”) and the still unsolved murders of the “Zodiac Killer”.
The CO needs to know stalking and harassment laws definitively in order to be prepared. A guide to those laws can be found HERE. In Texas, for instance, “Stalking” is a 3rd Degree Felony while “Harassment” only a Class B Misdemeanor. As you read, you will notice that a majority of the “Harassment” statute deals with the use of “electronic communication”(ie, phone, fax, pager, email, private messaging, etc.) While “Stalking” deals almost exclusively with “the fear” of physical contact and/or bodily injury.
A very large portion of harassment and stalking cases falls under what Law Enforcement Detectives dub “Cyber-Stalking” and/or “Cyber-Bullying”. While we progress forward (supposedly) as a society with social media technology such as Facebook, Twitter and Insta-gram, there are still those backward, warped and cowardly individuals that insist on using these tools to intimidate, annoy, abuse and embarrass people. This is of particular concern for those CO’s out there with kids, in particular, teenagers. With the rash of bullying incidents across this nation, some sadly leading to suicide, the CO parent needs to keep an open line of communication and oversight on all social media/email/chat accounts, making it understood all passwords will be shared, and “Wall” pages monitored. There is also a plethora of “ghost” apps and software to monitor text and chat logs on phones, tablets and laptops if you so choose. Keep an eye for my upcoming series “Cyber Oversight for the Teenager”.
But getting back to the best “Counter-Stalking” methods, I would say the first and most important thing is to make it known to the stalker verbally (with an accomplice (witness) or Law Enforcement present) or by phone if you prefer, that you disapprove of their behavior and you will be pressing charges. Most all experts agree that the safest and wisest legal action is to start a public record immediately after the first incident occurs, DO NOT WAIT!! Often, after you file charges, the police will want you to file a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) to give “teeth” to the charges, so if anything does happen, and the stalker does make contact with you, he or she not pass go, they go DIRECTLY to jail.
Secondly, get a CCL, get armed and get some training! No human being should ever have to walk around in fear for their lives. Yes, Law Enforcement is there to help enforce the laws, but your personal safety is always YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! Understand what your state law is in relation to Self-Defense and Use of Deadly Force (for TX see PC 9.31 & 9.32).
As I like to tell all my students after they get a CCL: Having a Gun is not a “Magic Tailsman”; It is not going to suddenly and magically make you safer.
You must understand and practice the (as I like to call it) “Big 4”:
- AWARENESS
- AVOIDANCE
- DETERRENCE
- DE-ESCALATION
So in closing, take charge of your life, fear not and take heed to Jeff Coopers advice:
“Violent crime is feasible only if it’s victims are cowards!”
Stay Dangerous!