I have a few I wanted to include but this being a PG-13 site at worst, I think I will omit them for now. 🙂 -SF
Leave these old routines on the battlefield where they belong.
War sucks. But as soldiers, we adapt. We develop habits that increase our chances of survival and make the suck just a little bit more bearable. Some of those habits are worth hanging on to as we transition into the civilian workforce. Others, not so much.
Here’s a list of five work habits we picked up overseas that definitely should not follow us back home.
1. Snuggling your coworkers for warmth.
Look, there’s no shame in snuggling up to your battle buddy on a chilly winter night in the field. It gets lonely in the desert and those military-issued sleeping bags simply don’t cut it in subzero temps. It is, however, unacceptable to snuggle a coworker in a civilian office setting, where that kind of physical contact between colleagues is both frowned upon and completely unnecessary to stay warm. That’s what thermostats are for.
2. Consuming dangerous amounts of caffeine.
Get caught dozing off on the clock and you’ll quickly develop a reputation among your coworkers as a lazy bum. For most folks, one or two cups of coffee in the morning will suffice. But if you’ve ever deployed, chances are your body is used to operating on at least 10 Rip Its before noon. While that’s certainly a great way to increase stamina and focus, it’s also a great way to die of kidney failure.
3. Wearing a reflective belt.
As veterans we know that wearing a reflective belt is the key to staying alive in a war zone. In addition to being mortar proof, these mandatory strips of neon plastic ensure that the wearer maintains maximum visibility at night (to scare off snipers, of course). But when worn over civilian work attire — or any attire, for that matter — the reflective belt looks really, really, really dumb. Our advice: burn that sucker the day you get out.
Related: 6 military stereotypes that are just plain wrong >>
4. Bringing feral dogs to work.
In Afghanistan, my platoon found a dog. She was covered in ticks and smelled like rotting goat carcasses, but we kept her around because she boosted morale. While adopting a platoon mascot off the trash-strewn streets of Kandahar is fine when you’re at war, here’s the thing about being employed in the civilian world: Feral dogs are a definite no go in the workplace. Why? Because they attack people and carry rabies.
5. Bathing with baby wipes.
Using baby wipes to cleanse your body of filth and grime is essential to maintaining personal hygiene while deployed. The last thing the guys in your platoon need is to constantly smell your moldy balls. But back in the States, where E. coli-free water is abundant, relying exclusively on the baby-wipe bath to stay clean will only lead your civilian colleagues to suspect that you live in a van down by the river. If you do, that’s cool. Just be sure to invest in some soap.
I guess this is intended to be satiric humor; this was … interesting info, since I am not a veteran, though common sense must prevail among returning soldiers. just wondering about “10 Rip Its” – please clarify as to its meaning. BTW coffee is good for the heart; I consume the better part of a quart per day. Other symptoms pertaining to the aging process ( a somewhat belligerent prostate for example) is what I deal with; I am unaware of severe problems caffeine would pose on the kidneys.
LOL. Satirical Humor..Yeah that is exactly what this is Eagles, you are catching on fast!! 🙂 “Rip-It” is an Energy Drink popular in the Army and similar to Red Bull..very popular when deployed, since falling asleep on watch during war time is an offense punishable by death. In the Marines we drank Red Bulls or NOS whichever we could get sent to us. Kidney Failure? Nahhh, we never worried about it, the cocktail of adrenaline we received every few hours in combat when some goat humper tried to kill us I am sure kept us all healthy…at least that what the VA Dr. told me, and we all know they are top-notch professionals, right? (Did you catch some of that satirical and sarcastic humor right there?) 🙂
Indeed. I can understand the use of those (arrgh) energy drinks, though after consuming one Red Bull, and noting that it contained bull bile, I decided to eschew it in favor of my beloved coffee. I found no benefit over coffee, and I doubted the efficacy of putting bull bile in my system on a daily basis. Plus the damned things are expensive in comparison. Naturally, on the battlefield, they’d be more practical than having to prepare coffee. The explosion of brands ofenergy drinks in the grocers, and there popularity has me dismayed. People are indeed stupid. Taking a B complex vitamin after eating is the way to get energy form, your food; I regard energy drinks as deleterious to your health when consumed on a regular basis.
Keyboard blues – I meant “their” popularity, and from, not form without the comma.
Agreed on the energy drinks. I no longer touch them and my kids are not allowed to touch them. It was a “convenience” thing while deployed in a war zone. Although I still miss Marine Field Coffee…it was more like sludge than coffee…imagine drinking a thinner form of dark caro syrup in consistency, but the flavor was more like road tar with a hint of humvee exhaust..it really got you going in the morning! yum!